2011 - Hinnota (A view back)

  As we are at the end of this year, i was thinking what and all i did in this year and what were the major milestones of the year. To be frank there are no major milestones in my life this year personally and  we just enjoyed being with Eshaan and watching him grow in this year has been a true delight. It seems kids are needed not just like bringing up a plant and expecting fruits at the end. They are needed for just the sake of happiness that is in store for us and enjoy them during the course of their upbringing.  The statement is very TRUE.
  One thing i would definitely remember would be that one more bundle of happiness came to our lives. That is my sis gave birth to a baby boy and whenever i visit my hometown i just enjoy having him on my lap. Its such a divine experience feeling once again in a span of 2 years since Eshaan was born.

Apart from that the year just went by.

But I really like this last week of the year. Bangalore roads will be less crowded and everywhere holiday mood will be set.

Somehow i do not get thrilled by New year or celebrations. My joy would be all my old friends/friends and also my cousins send messages or wish us and i feel happy that they remember me and that brings smile on my face by receiving messages unexpectedly. We just remember everyone and also send wishes to them and that itself brings lot of happiness to begin a year.
2012 is starting on a sunday. Can be with my family for the whole day!

Anyway as we pass this year and the end of the year has come. Wish you all forget sour memories, leave the baggage for this year on 31st Dec back and step into new year by cherishing fond memories.

Have happy holidays! Have fun!

For Women

Today while having lunch an interesting topic came up while discussing some marriage related/girl child related expenses.

All in our lunch group are women. So most of the times our views match. But I would rather say that most of the women except some women (who do not know the value of womanhood or women’s values),  agree with our views whatever we discussed today.

Everyone was wondering why women’s side should bear the majority of the marriage expenses? Its not just that the society demands from the people who have money. It’s also from the people who are not doing so good financially. No exemption or support the society gives them too.

I am not finding any good reason why a girl’s father should spend money on the marriage so heavily or even pay dowry just because they have given birth to a girl child. This means that having a girl child is a big sin and one has to pay for that. The process is deep-rooted in our system  since ages.

A big rationale is that in earlier days women were married off in their early ages and the guys side have to take the complete responsibility of ‘looking after’ the girl throughout her life. But was she not supposed to do house hold work, bear children, bring them up which is equally challenging like men working outside? Anyway a couple in a marriage are like two wheels of a chariot. If it has to run then both have to work. Then where does the matter of ‘looking after’ the girl comes up? Then why a girl’s father had to pay the expenses or dowry that time too? It’s just to put down women – some irrational rules made by only men who lack wisdom.

The same legacy is carried over even in today’s society. Even though the girl earns in lakhs, her father has to bear the expenses, post-marriage the girl’s father will not get a penny of her earnings even-though he had equally educated her like how his son-in-law is educated bearing the same or sometimes more expenses.

Why this kind of  a mindless system exists, I really do not know. These days it has still increased instead of decreasing, The girls side have to take care of first baby’s expenses?! – hospital, first five months, then naming ceremony expenses etc,. Idealogically why they have have to bear someone’s else child’s expenses. They say a girl belongs to boy’s family once married. They want to get their names changed, their kids names as per their family names. But they are not ready to spend even a penny for that. What a great system!

Earlier days if anyone has boys then the boys at-least used to get financial assistance to make his property. That at-least would have compensated whatever girls have spent. But now how many are willing to get their kids settled like that?

To change such a deep-rooted system is not going to happen in just one or two generations. Generations of men, yes I mean MEN have to be taught explicity to not go for such things in their education. It’s the women in every house who should take such initiatives. Because often it’s the women who cultivate such secondary status of women in their kids. Both girls or boys have to be taught to be treated and treat girls respectively.

Women also have that state of mind inculcated in their minds since childhood that she has to adjust to husband by listening to him and all such. Agreed, in case-of marriage adjustments is the key thing. But it should not be like you always have a secondary status.

If all these are discussed or raised by a woman I know she will be tagged as non-adjusting or arrogant or not brought up properly or revolutionary kind. But I feel most of the women feel the same and many may not express or they do not have the forum to express such things.  Girls get frustrated and nag their men because of this, what else can they do?

Not just women, even many men feel the same but they are also helpless in a system like this. They cannot talk against family or society. But at-least some men have such changing thoughts which I really appreciate.

 Yes these are revolutionary thoughts because its about talking against the current system or trying to think of some change in the systems. Some revolutions has to happen definitely which will curb female infanticides/foeticides. Because these are the keys factors related to expenses which is driving such extreme measures towards new-born girl-children.

I would only call upon the next-Gen people to take up such aspects seriously so that generations will become good and get benefited.

With Best wishes It's TVR..

A word of appreciation

What would it take to appreciate others instead of appreciating themselves and their own people or rather their own things? I have tried many times to appreciate others, their people or their things (Believe me, it’s hard I know) and it takes a lot of letting things off of your own to do that unless the other person/thing is someone or something who/it is really great  or out of the world.

To satisfy some people, one needs to bring the whole world of his/hers and do ‘N’ number of things before they pat your back. Then finally you feel why should you do all these things? What happens if he/she does not appreciate you/your people instead keep appreciating themselves for small reasons!

Definitely nothing. I would not lose anything. But it’s the human nature to expect something from others. It’s not so easy as saying that one should not expect anything from anyone. Its very tough to practice it. If we practice it fully then we’ll become a Yogi in this world and will be out of the world and feel like as if we have lost everything or given off everything to someone else.

Am I not sounding correct here?

We appreciate nature, we appreciate some great people who have done much to country or society, we appreciate some colleagues, by default we will be appreciating our own people so much but we fail to appreciate people who would have done so much to us/doing so much to us or even spending so much money on us! Its required. Yes, definitely its required. If we do it we feel so happy about ourselves.

Always appreciating others take a lot of out of us. We just have to let go some of our egos and should not compare ourselves with others and think that we are great in every sense – in following cleanliness, doing right things, doing any work, in performances, doing selections, their family, anything for that matter.  Instead of putting down others which in-turn may not put down the people whom we want to put down, but it will put-down us, it’s better to be silent.

Appreciation is a key word in every person’s life. It boosts the energy of the appreciator as well as the one who gets appreciated and fills positivity in air and in-turn you may get the same.

But no one cares if you are miserable because of this. So better don’t care and be happy at the end of the day!

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Small but true happiness’s

·         My son comes running and hugs me after my daylong work… the happiness is unexplainable..

·         Sunil smiles at me with some admiration for a small task well done

·         Sunil smears my head with his hand when I am too tired, in depth I feel very happy

·         My son looks at me after a kiss of mine as if asking for one more!

·         Chatting (Absolutely no gossiping) with my father and sister for long hours

·         Eating akki rotti made by mom

·         Sleeping in our small room alone muddling a rug in our house at Tumkur and forgetting rest of the world

·         Some dish which turns out well and my in-laws admire it, feel  day’s work is fulfilling in feeding everyone

·         A drive on Bangalore road on a calm and non-rush day

·         Visiting my grandma’s place

·         Watching an old kannada movie without advertisements

·         Listening to my favourite kannada songs and hindi songs on FM

·         Doing small poojas at home (Like yesterday at home)

·         Reading some interesting books (I absolutely love this).. so much out-of the world experience it gives

·         Telling small bhajans in my free time

·         Eating ice-creams un-expectedly with friends

·         Smell of soil after first rain

·         Unexpected call from my old friends/relatives when I am sick or on my birthday

·         Seeing sunset on terrace..

·         And many more… will post whenever I recall..

All this come without money and how much ever money is given, it does not match this kind of happiness.

Until then may you all have your true happinesses

With Best wishes It's TVR..

A flow

Today some random feelings are coming to my mind. For the first time I am feeling all alone in my thoughts and feeling a sense of independence in being lonely.

1.        What if there was no parent-child relationship?

2.       What if there was no concept of marriage?

3.       What if there was no concept of work life?

4.       What if there was no concept of money?

5.       What if there was no concept of God?

Many such things which keep us bonded or grounded on this earth. These are the concepts by which we are bounded hard in our lives and for which we give at-most importance. Sometimes beyond our limits and invoke  sorrow or happiness.

A person can do to others up-to a limit of his/hers. Then its up-to the society or people connected with him/her to acknowledge it.

1.      Beyond a point you cannot take responsibility for your parents/spouse happiness. Your parents are adults. They have made their choices. Yes, they have given birth to you, raised you provided you with everything , but that does not mean you can fix every single thing in their lives and keep them happy always. That is truly okay. It is they themselves who are responsible for their happiness or snappiness :P. (you can do what you can and rest one has to let go).
you are married to your spouse. That does not mean that you have to keep him/her happy always (That is impossible too). You do your duties and leave the rest to situations. They too are adults and should be able to judge everything with common sense and with a sense of belongingness to one-another.

2.      Work-life, money – these has to be handled carefully and intellectually. There is no need of any heart-felt feelings for this unless one has a passion towards the work he/she is doing.

3.      God – a big ‘?’. Needed in our uttermost sorrow but not in our uttermost happiness. Only when we come out of a big-shock, we thank God. He is still a concept, a power and a source to rely on in our darkness when no one else can give answers. He lives within us and not outside. He says to us what to be done or not to be done. Most of the times to push ourselves to lead lives despite having problems. I would say He is in the form of our kids.

Bye for now.. otherwise thoughts just keep coming and there cannot be any big full-stop…

TVR.

Power of expression

Yesterday I was watching a very popular quiz program which comes on DD, in which the anchor who is also a doctor was explaining about how every human being must have a means of expressing his/her emotions, dilemmas, confusions, decision making conflicts within oneself..etc. One has to find a means of expressing oneself. It can be by writing dairies, blogs or writing poems, stories, novels etc. Often talking to friends, siblings and sometimes to their spouses.

One definitely needs a channel or a means of expressing one’s thoughts. Otherwise it will lead to emotional trauma and result in behavioral imbalances. One of the books he was presenting (which he usually does in every episode of the program), the writer has written about modern day means of expressing thoughts.

The author mentions about the importance of expressing oneself to others or by any means. If a person does not have a close friend or a sibling with whom he/she can express, at-least the thoughts should come out in some other means of communication. Either by writing dairies, literature or whatever. Even some counseling centers mention that whenever you feel hopeless, one should just scribble something on a sheet of paper about his/her thoughts of distress/disgust/hopelessness/helplessness. It actually helps one to get relieved of those thoughts temporarily. Many of the suicidal cases are resolved by adopting this method by people suffering from depression. Definitely a man needs another man to express themselves and get some console. But this world is not ideal enough with people having listening ears and people who empathize. If one has to handle himself/herself then choosing different ways of expression which are more comfortable to themselves and by not becoming a headache to others.

Just try out different methods of expression. There can be ‘N’ number of ways to do it. If you people know any other methods like indulging oneself in hobbies (like reading, art-work, doing bhajans etc) and which have given you a great relief from day-to-day miseries/hurts, then let me also know your experiences. Having different ways of expression will empower us to lead an emotionally independent and a dignified life or I hope so.

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Pressure Cooker

Yes, under pressure people perform more and people perform faster. That is how the items in a pressure cooker get cooked so fast and complete. But think about the water being pressurized. It gets steamed and will be inside the cooker to come out.

That is how the life has become in the urban areas where both man and woman in a family work to meet the demands of the family. Added to that, kids also have to go through the pressure of going to a day care at a small age in the families where there is no other support to parents.

Cannot get up early in the morning because of previous day’s exhaustiveness and start doing things in a hurry. Cook, get the kid ready, cook, pack, travel, reach office, handle N number of things under pressure once again by boss, come back home, and cook, wash, clean and then sleep. No time to spend with our beloved kids. We would have to spend time with people whom we do not love or adore. But now there is no time to spend with our kids who are born to us with blessings.

In the midst of all these handle family pressures and expectations. How much ever people achieve professionally, or even earn in lakhs for their own families, one has to satisfy family expectations by proving their culinary skills, adjustment skills etc., etc, etc.. After all these struggle whatever we earn or do a property out of it, we can’t even claim its ours. All other stakeholders come to picture. Added emotional pressure.

Finally we want at-least our kids to admire whatever we did by struggle. But I have seen in real life that parents who would have taken their kids for granted and not sacrificed even an inch of their comfort and happiness get all the limelight, care and love back compared to parents who would have struggled all their lives and sacrifice only for the sake of their kids. I have seen such parents only get negligence and they are taken for granted.

Strange are the ways of life. What for we are earning and living a life as if we are in a pressure cooker steamed and trying to come out of it. When that time comes God only knows. But why God wants to play such a game with us being pawns to him. He must be transparent in his ways of execution too. Why should we go through all these?! Finally, to get some health problems at a very early age.

Is this kind of life worth living? Where there is no time for our passion, hobbies, and interests. But only have time to earn money.  Somewhere line has to be drawn to the limits of earning and concentrate on our interests. At-least to make our health better which is of utmost priority in life. If anything else is gone, we can regain. But if health is gone and a life is gone then we cannot regain.

Instead of being like a water in pressure cooker we want to be like water in river flow (Not even like a standstill clear water) to be a cleanser and also to get cleansed and reach an ocean to be in peace forever.

With Best wishes It's TVR..