Dealing with 'N' in our lives

The 'N' in the title stands for "Negativity"..

Two great epics of Indian soil – Ramayana and Mahabharata are un-matchable in the way the stories are told and the life’s lessons are taught. While watching the Mahabharata recently on television during recent lock-down, one aspect that greatly struck me was about how even if you are good, obedient and following the dharma may not assure of living peacefully or allow you to live with grace.

In Mahabharata, the Pandavas are synonyms of dharma and grace. They themselves do not want to nor get into any trouble or want to trouble others. They will never harm anyone. But what happens to them throughout their life everyone who know the epic knows. They will go through lot of hardships just because their cousin is Duryodhana who is selfish, adamant, greedy. To satisfy his greed and adharma, which puts Pandavas’ lives in danger, they will face humiliation (especially in dice game) and have to face lot of hardships (during time spent in forests and in agnatvasa). What was their sin? What mistake they did? Nothing!!

Just because of Duryodhana’s greed and cunningness they had to suffer so much in their lives. Even after the Kurukshetra war I do not think they could have lived peacefully because they would have lost all their kids. What an immense pain they have to go through. Throughout life they suffer because of their inevitable acquaintances! ☹   

Sometimes even if you want to be peaceful, the people with whom you get associated with, people with whom you live, your neighbors, relatives or friends, you will end up in sorrow unnecessarily. So you being good or right many times do not matter in your own life.

Take the recent standoff of India with China. There is nothing our beloved country India has done for China. But China is trying to create tensions at LAC and across the borders. It is just not allowing to be India to be itself. Also, there is no need of special mention of Pakistan doing the same.

Whether we want or no, some events, people affect us very badly in a way which we do not want. There will be a lot of negative vibes they bring, from which you want to run away but you cannot because of the events or people being inevitable.

Recently I watched a Bollywood movie “Jab we met”. I have watched it many times earlier also. But this time when I saw, the female lead in the movie by name Geet will be so full of life, so much energy and enormous love towards life and she just wants to be happy. But the person she loved betrays her during the journey and refuses to marry her. This takes a toll on her and she loses all her energy and enthusiasm and starts living away from her very loving family too. There was absolutely no mistake of her!! She will just be herself. But how she loses interest in life, I just could not take it.

Similarly life is like you come across so many people, events which will change your personality for not so good and also you try to change yourself to pretend to be good. But earlier you were good! Which others misused.

Hence I would say many times in life things change for people in their course of life for no fault of theirs and they suffer and they turn against the tide or they become silent or try to ignore the circumstances or try to pretend which they are not. These they do not intend to, but happens.

As far as coming across such instances, I feel at-least we should not hurt or de-mean or look down someone intentionally. Because you should not become Duryodhana for someone, so that you hurt the Pandavas in others or affect someone who are like Geet or come upon someone who are like India who never invade other countries. Ofcourse one cannot avoid people with negative vibes because of nature of the relationship but at-least try to learn the negative vibes affecting you, still you cannot do anything but suffer. Sometimes it’s just our fate!!!

With Best wishes It's TVR..

My last professional working day.. atleast for now

It was Aug-2000, the penultimate year of our engineering. Many companies had come to our campus of our college Siddaganga Institute of Technology (SIT), starting from IBM, Wipro, Infosys and many more. But I could not get in any of those, from the beginning of the campus placements started. Then there came a company called Netkraft which was into networking domain. I got through after 3 weeks of campus placement started. I was delighted and on cloud nine.

Then was getting ready for final exams of my 8^th Sem in year Sept-2001. Then the 11^th-Sept attach happened on twin towers in US. Along with that all our job offers also went to tizzy.  Then after my professional degree only few went to their companies which had hired them in campus. But I did not. Our offers were withheld.

Then the frenzy search for the job started even though I had good score. I and my friend once I remember were wandering in MG road and many IT corridors giving our resumes. That much of job searching we had to do for around 8 months. Meanwhile we had prepared for GRE and I got 89percentile in that. I was ready to join for MTech in Surathkal. Then Honeywell came to our campus looking for 2001 passed out who are looking for job. I prepared extensively over that week. Then on a Saturday I gave interview. It was multiple rounds and I cleared finally and got offer at the end of the day around 7pm that day. Again delighted.

Then I and my father went to Bangalore the next Monday for joining. My dad had come with me on my first day. I was with full of energy and enthusiasm on my first today. Till today I remember sitting in the reception of Honeywell and waiting for HR to come and take me inside.

Then my professional journey started. Honeywell was a great company from the start. There was no looking back I worked through ~15 years in the company. Saw many ups and downs like many other professionals see. But when I quit Honeywell it was with very heavy heart. Then I joined company called Esterline, which was near to home ~8kms. Then I started there and completed ~ 3years here. Today I resigned here and is my last working day.

So many mixed emotions are running through my mind now. Have mixed feelings as before I started thinking of quitting, always I used to think why I started, how much struggle for starting this career. Then why did I decide to quit? May be various reasons – both professional and personal. But final I quit.

But when I look back there were many times throughout this time when intermittently I wanted to quit. But somehow I pushed through. When my husband went onsite for one year, when I had my first miscarriage, when my son was born, when I used to fall sick often and many more times. But again pushed through. Also sometimes I used to be super tired of office and home work without any support many times and used to feel exhausted in the mornings itself and rushing to office in the mornings.

But to come so far it would have been not possible if not because of my family and friends support.

1.       First and foremost my parents, who educated me and stood morally with me whenever needed or even whenever my son used to fall sick.

2.       My sister who is always with me morally whenever I used to call her. Before my marriage I used to stay at my uncle place at Rajajinagar(My mom’s brother).

3.       My aunty(My mom’s sister) used to cook for me in the morning. And both my uncle and my aunty had taken me personally to many interviews.

4.        My husband who did not force me to quit and come when he went onsite for long term and whenever I used to have long hours calls, he was managing at home. 

5.       Then my son, who since he was baby of 7 months he went to day care.

6.       And then my real friends who used to give me support many times at office whenever I used to feel down. Some of the strong friends I have made in my professional life, they are still in touch with me :)

But overall I feel I have fulfilled professional life. I am not sure whether this break is long one or a short one, or forever I want to make use of this to the fullest.

Once again a big  Thank you to all and above all the dear God!

   

With Best wishes It's TVR..

World and lives with an unseen enemy

Jan-2020:

Heard about a disease being spread from human-to-human by a virus called Coronavirus. Somewhere in Chinese town called Wuhan. End of the month, heard about the news of lockdown of the Chinese cities. Saw empty streets of Beijing in a website.

Feb-2020:

Flights to and from China cancelled. The Chinese goods were blocked at customs and some of our equipment to be shipped to office were blocked too. Many of us were laughing at the situation at that time. Thought about it as an outbreak which cannot reach us like Ebola/SARS.  The passengers arriving from China were screened. Heard ~3 cases of such affected people in Kerala.

Mar-2020:
First case of affected person was reported in somewhere Whitefield area in Bangalore, the city I lvie. Still it was far. Then the number of cases of affected persons being reported slowly started increasing linearly.

Then the scenario of it becoming an epidemic was evident. Human nature is to not to bother about or having empathy towards issue happening elsewhere, until the problem is at our doorstep. Now the panic started. WHO declares the spread of disease from Coronavirus as Pandemic, something which has affected multiple countries. Everyone is cautious of going out of home. Suspecting almost everyone we meet. Washing hands becomes obsession suddenly. Then the Government declares an imposition of lockdown to make Social distancing compulsory because of which people cannot venture out of their homes. A new world which the people have not seen or never experienced even from our parents’ time unfolds!!

All these happening and we are watching the world only through the windows of media from home. The world has come to halt. All this while especially the new generation(our generation) has only seen the world running at a mad pace. To conquer something which others have not conquered, to see something which others have not seen, to experiencing something which not many have experienced, to eat, travel, socialize, work, have fun, to acquire worldly materials, to feel superior and to reach places including Moon and Mars! To please whom, to satisfy whom or to achieve what we were running so madly?

 All this for what? – A big question when an unknown enemy invades the human race now which puts half of the humanity under lock down, the way we keep the animals in Zoos as if they are our possessions.

I used to hear about phrases like – ‘To save earth’. There is no such thing. It is only about saving us and Earth knows how to save itself. Earth will be there for another billions of years. It is we humans who were at the edge of perishing with our over-possessiveness towards nature and its elements as our own. The nature has put a pause on our activities now if not brake. Of course we will continue our activities even after this pandemic is gone as if nothing had happened.

But when in-pause it is time for our self-realization as individuals, family, society, the human race.

1.       We may not need the luxury we all will be looking for in worldly materials. Our ancestors had lived with minimal living and were happy. We are back to same situation now, happy or not?

2.       It is not the living which is costly but the lifestyle – are we all living healthy now with home cooking and with reduced costs?

3.       What matters the most is human relations. When we cannot talk to someone physically who are close to us. Some of the stories which moved in this time which I came across:

·       I see a mother giving birth to her baby, but was not able to see her baby because she tested positive. When the re-union happened after her recovery, it was an emotional one.

·       A son in Mumbai hears about his father’s loss in Kolkata, not able to reach seeks help. Then his friend helps and gets permissions from authorities to travel in his car. Mumbai to Kolkata – 2300kms. What an example of friendship and a kid’s love

·       A mother travels 1400 km in her tow-wheeler from Telangana to get her son back who is struck in Andhra Pradesh.

 Like these there were many situations reported, which actually rekindles our beliefs in human
relations which are fading away.

4.       The indomitable spirits of frontline workers – Doctors, nurses, paramedical staff, sanitation workers, media, Police, Shop keepers providing essentials, our house maids, essential Govt service providers, some of our leaders. Absolutely stunning, they know they are interacting with a highly contagious disease but still not stepping back.  These are our peace time, but crisis time soldiers/warriors of our nation or rather of humanity.

5.       A time in quarantine has helped many people spend quality time with their families which all these while were struggling to get the time required. With parents, brothers/sisters, spouses, children etc.

6.       Time to rekindle the sparks in us for our passions. Many are spending time on their favorite hobbies.

7.       It has helped the earth atmosphere to breathe more relaxed. The pollution levels have come down drastically, with people becoming healthier. There are newspaper reports of reduced heart-related and other ailments!

8.       With more animals capturing back their habitats. Like Dolphins coming back to shores in Venice because of non-existing pollution because of boats, turtles coming out in sea shores of Odisha, peackocks roaming around in streets of Mumbai, sea turtles hatching in Thailand etc.. :)

9.       There are people who are selflessly serving food to starving and providing shelter to the needy, how Govt has been providing the materials to the needy at its best. Rising to the occasion are many good Samaritans who are not under lockdown but serving poor in the streets and their areas. Hats off to them.

We all know many of the above have happened because of Coronovirus, 

1.       But the people who have suffered or survive know what they have gone through.

2.       The people who have lost their loved ones, how much pain they are enduring because of not of any of their faults :( . Around the globe more than 1.6 lakhs people have died at the time of writing this article.  

3.       Also there is an increase in domestic violence/ child abuse happening because of continuous locking of people inside their houses under abusive people :(, across the globe It is heartening to hear about it.

4.       The pain of migrant workers is awful. The pain of daily wage workers, homeless, auto drivers, taxi drivers, some of our house staff like cooks, maids, small shopkeepers etc.., who earn their living on a daily basis.

5.       The economic losses to Government, a possible entry to recession, job losses, farmers not able to sell their goods,  -- the impact may be huge.

How we wish all the positives would have happened not because of Coronavirus but because of changed human behavior over a period of time?

How we wish the lessons learnt should not be forgotten at-least in the coming few years?

How we wish the goodness shown continues forever so that world we live becomes a better place at-least for the next generation to come?

The world is small and our lives are much smaller, it is time for us to come out of our cocoon of ego and greatness and see small things in life, values human relations, appreciate and respect nature, love others also who are supposedly not ours,  stick to healthy eating and lifestyle, compassionate with one who do not have what we have as privileges, learn new things to satisfy our soul,  forgive who hurt us and forget bad memories, to live a fulfilled life :) !!!!!!!!!!!!

My lockdown time

The world is reeling under the impact of Novel Coronavirus and people are put under lock down to be at their homes to avoid socializing. I happen to move to my hometown just in time before the long time lock down was announced. It is so that both my in-laws and my parents stay in the same area. My husband could get to spend some time with his parents which I do not think usually men get to spend because of their continuous work commitments and family, unlike women when during their child birth they could have spend some time at their parents homes.

This time it was  a long time I could spend with my parents after a real long time. Apart from eating home made food without my efforts, I also happened to spend my time philosophically with my parents. Learning about their experiences in life, the insecurities they had faced, the struggles they had gone through, the joy they have seen, life in their parents time and the bond they had with their parents, the hobbies that interest them the most and the life fulfillment according to them.

It was kind of an eye opener for me, looking life from their perspective, their joys and sorrows and we connecting with them individually with each one of them, with ample amount time given to them. I felt this time was required so that they also feel satisfied by spending time with their kids who otherwise will always be running. Understood that it is kids’ prime time of their careers and their respective family lives, but also it is the parents’ sunset times, and cannot spend time with them. May be this lock down time came as an opportunity for those especially who are living in different cities than their parents, who cannot visit them often.

I felt happy and content of spending this time with them without any inhibitions (which by default will not be present with your parents), and spend quality time talking about life’s questions and answers, the self-realizations and spiritual realization. Given the time they have spent life, they will have more insight which we can definitely learn from them. Also being elderly, realizing their insecurities is very important, because sooner or later we also will one day get into such situation.

May be in every trouble there will be opportunity. And because of Coronavirus this is one opportunity I got the memories of which I will cherish in my life.

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Why there should not be a women’s day?

International women’s day is celebrated across world on 8^th of March every year. People send messages, governments have celebrations and awareness campaigns, corporate office greet women employees, families greet their women and much more.

At large any day is dedicated to either commemorate the significance of a person/event, to raise awareness, bring people together or to bring focus on a particular issue/disesase/happening.

Women’s day as such started 100+ years ago to raise awareness on issues such as gender inequality, gender biases, pay parity among two genders, women specific issues across the world. To name a few in India, starting from female foeticide, female infanticide, education dropouts, safe child birth issues, dowry, domestic violence, sexual abuse like rape, and sexual harassments and all such stuff. Many of these are still largely prevailing.

Also womens’ day is to celebrate the womanhood, motherhood, women’s achievments despite their biological and social inhibitions and all that.

I agree for the second part. But women’s day going forward at-least in my next generation of kids the first set of issues I wish disappear so that women’s day need not be marked to raise awareness on such issues. It is important to bring up our kids in a gender equal or a gender neutral society.

Many may argue this may be feminisim or all such terms, but in reality the issue mentioned exist in large and have to be addressed. As a society we have to work towards it and try to reach an ideal world, which I suppose may not happen suddenly but can happen over a period of time if collective efforts are put.

One day I wish I do not want to see a womens’ day!

Last note: This post is dedicated to all women who are submissive, whose silent sacrifices have kept their family smiling J

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Where does God live?

On this Sunday we had been to few temples along with my husband's family.

   In one of the temples they told that to get into inner area temple (Garbhagudi), one has to pay Rs.100/- per person. So my husband and I purchased 2 tickets for ourselves. For our son(who is 9 years old) we thought they will leave him inside as in many pilgrim places (Tirupathi, Dharamasthala etc), they do not even charge for kids and elderly. But when we got inside the temple and we wanted to get in, people in-charge in the temple stopped our son from entering. At that point of time we did not realize and we both got in. Our son was with in-laws at the back.
  After that when we came out, we see that our son was crying for not letting him inside. There was not many people in the temple too. Only my husband's family people were there in the big temple. Later we realized that how the temple people played for the sake of money. May be it is a policy, but it is a screwed up policy. It is not just about money. We could have easily given if they had asked that they charge for kids too. But in a hurry, it did not appear to us. But how easily people forget that kids are considered as Gods in our culture.

 Even though people fear to comment on temples and the rules there, here i am discussing openly that at such places even God will not reside where there is no compassion to humans and especially kids.  When i questioned in Tirupathi itself they leave kids, they told this is not Tirupathi. Is it the temple where Lord stays? I seriously doubt. I believe in that place, God would have run away from there. We were so roughly stopped at the door leaving our son behind, i can still recollect the scene there.

God resides at places where compassion, love, empathy, hospitality and care resides.  He lives in the hearts of people who have such values and ethics. Lord Krishna has clearly told in Bhagavadgita, even though you do not do any worship of me, if you do your Karma sincerely and compassionate with others, that is where I live.

Why humans create such big barriers around them and also try to create at temples like this. God himself does not have barriers. If I just remember Him, He will come in front of my eyes.

I agree rituals and worship are part of our system. But they should not be at the cost of someone's happiness, comfort or love. It should be done along with these qualities. Then the process has more meaning.

Even though i was brought up in an orthodox family, my parents never restricted me to think conservatively. They only asked me to think what is right and what is wrong. And follow what i think is right. In this way now i can think rationally and can clearly see what could have been done good for the sake of people visiting temple.

I only pray God for giving enlightenment to such people.


With Best wishes It's TVR..

Why is this negativity?

I see few people if not many people who just can’t bear anyone getting anything good or anything good happening to others. It is like I am the best, my family is the best, my group in my company is the best etc.  Rest all of the people in this world are either not good or they are not doing anything.

Finding negativity in others is very easy according to psychology. But finding something good and positive in others is very tough.

Some people exceed standards in finding negativity.

If somebody gets promoted, then it is because someone favored him/her. If someone get award, he/she is liked by his/her manager. If someone has boy, then having boys is not good. If someone has girl child, then having girls is not very good. If some country is good, then it has lot of other problems which are not seen. If someone is doing work, he/she is workoholic, if someone is promoted then he/she is not good, simply they got promoted by some luck. If someone complains then only that person/person from the group complaints. The list of complains goes on…. . As except them or the people associated with that them, rest all are either screwed up or not good.

Give me a break.

If they get the same things then it is because of their hard work, dedication, sincerity, patience and only they do work. Only positive things have brought them where they are now.

Why so much negativity? Why can’t people see good in others? Why keep on blaming people who are not associated with them? Why keep on branding a person or a set of people as bad? Why is this?

Why few people have such attitude? If people grow, one has to become more matured to appreciate others. That is what is growing up means. If we are getting aged, it means we have to learn to become mature and good and help/direct others to be on the same path or help others in their troubles.

Ok, even if someone is favored, lucky, fine. You also had been lucky in few things right? When good things happens to people, they do not ask God “why me”? Only when bad things happen they ask “why me”?

Please grow up. With such people, the world does not recognize them as great, but they brand them as negative people. This attitude is contagious. If we are with people with such negative thoughts, other people tend to become negative. It is better to avoid their thoughts getting into you. In Kannada there is a saying “ahankarakke udasinave maddu”. For such attitude, only negligence is best. If one takes such remarks seriously then one tend to get depressed or feel down.

Let’s get positive. There are so many good people around the world and one has to appreciate other’s efforts. It gives a good feeling for us too. To have a positive attitude towards life. J

With Best wishes It's TVR..