The occasional pink city

It is that time in the city again!! Yes, we get to see in these times Feb-March, I see a range of pink flowers blossoming in trees in almost every street of Bengaluru. With most of the trees covered with pink flowers reminds us of the spring and it’s time for getting to see the old leaves fall with fresh green leaves blossoming which are a treat in itself to watch.

Often due to busy schedules or overwhelmed with traffic woes we miss to notice these changes happening in nature once in a year. But if you are travelling inside city and if you observe outside by coming out of the phone mode, you can actually see the beauty in your city itself, why go far to a different nature’s abode, when you have few small things which you can see and enjoy in your city itself.

It is only what we observe and what makes things look beautiful even in the midst of this pollution, traffic and buildings which are the trademark of any big city like Bengaluru, you can still enjoy what the nature offers in the middle of all these.

The pink flower trees that we see are called abebuia avellanedae and Tabebuia rosea as per botany.

How Bengaluru got pink blossoms?

Also called pink trumpet trees, they are native to South America and were brought to the city by the British colonists. Their affinity for ornamental exotic species led them to bring the vibrant pink trumpet trees to Bengaluru. The result of which we are seeing in generations.

There was a tree opposite to our old house and every year I used to wait for Feb-March times when I could get to see the tree showing us pink flowers every morning until all the flowers fall off. Evening times with dull lighting, it was another treat itself to watch them altogether.

There is a poet in Kannada, Da.Ra.Bendre who has written a poem about the spring festival of Ugadi, in which he worder about how trees can shed their leaves and re-blossom every year and why we humans do not have that privilege?! “Niddegomme nitya marana, yedda sala naveena janana, namage yeke barado”(Die everytime you sleep, and a new life everytime you get up!). How beautiful the thoughts are. But we humans are like this and may be it is the nature’s way of showing us symbolically that it wants to us to shed our past hurts and blossom from within atleast once a year. Of-course God has given us the boon of forgetting things as time-passes and helping us to do the same.

What to do you say? Next time when getting out of home, watch out for these pink beauties and come May, watch out for red mayflowers!

To see the beauty of it, the one which was in front of our old house!

With Best wishes It's TVR..

My own parents' journey

Couple of weeks back I was watching a Kannada movie in which actor Ambareesh acted. The name of the movie was “Poornachandra”. The movie is about an elder son in the house struggling to get his younger siblings settled in life by his hardships. He will be trying to educate his two brothers and a sister. Also, tries to settle down his sister with a marriage. He along with his wife try to save each and every penny without using for themselves but for his siblings. But in the movie his siblings do not value his sacrifices but look at it as his duty. What if he had abandoned them without doing anything or what if his wife had not allowed him to take care of them? They would not have imagined what their lives would have been. Not all siblings are like that. They will remember what their brother or sister have done to them.

One such story I am going to tell is of my own father. Yes, I have seen it live. He struggled throughout his life to get his brothers and sisters get settled. My father was only 28 when his father passed away. His two younger brothers were studying. His younger most sister was just 15 years old. Imagine the burden of the family on him. My grandmother was also dependent on him.

In spite of all this he got married because he himself wanted to settle first and someone to support him. My first uncle got a job after a couple of years. In the mean time I was born (a girl child). My dad and my mom struggled so hard to accumulate money for both his sisters’ marriage. Everyone was living in the same house!! Not only that the alliances have to be searched for his sisters which took a lot of time and energy and money from them. Not only for sisters, for this younger brother also my dad has to search a bride. Again lot of energy and patience involved.

Meanwhile my younger sister was born. After five years of her birth my last aunt (youngest sister of my dad) got married. I clearly remember how my dad was just not accessible to me during this time. He was so busy in marriage preparations. Our house was filled with so much marriage materials that we could not sleep in the ground floor at all.

After one year of that my youngest uncle got married. Not only this meanwhile my grandma had fallen sick many times. My mother and father have toiled in the hospital too.

Even after my dad’s sisters were married, they came for their childbirth to our house for care. For five months too my mom used to support them along with my grandma.

But one good thing is my dad’s sisters and brother acknowledge and respect that my parents have taken care of them.

In spite of all this my dad also had two daughters. He educated us and also saved for our marriages too. In the meanwhile he got issues in his office too because of which he did not get his pay for 6 months in the year 1997. Imagine how he would have run the house?!

Not only this, my mom and dad used to support my mom’s sister and brother alliances too for quiet some time as my mother lost her parents early. They got my mom’s sister’s marriage arrangements done. Of course mom’s brother took care, but searching task was hugely on my parents. I can think of many of my dad’s relatives and friends during their times just looking after their spouses and kids and leading a comfortable life.

In total my parents have taken care of 5 marriages of their respective siblings and two daughters’ marriages.

All this I must say they handled quiet well and with lot of patience. Anyone else in their place would have got restless and disturbed. Now any difficulty whether related to money, health, emotional or any matter does not seem big for them because they have seen it all.  If feel it is easier to talk philosophy than acting in real life.

All this when I am writing, I can clearly make out the hardships they went through. In this journey what I have seen is nothing in our lives we have faced the hardships like that. It gave us strength, resilience and inner strength to deal with difficulties of life more than anything. It is about not just valuing money but also handling responsibilities and people!!

Nowadays it has become rare to even visit your own relatives or friends houses!!

But one thing I have stopped doing is explaining or telling all this to anyone these days because only people who have empathy or who can relate how things would have been taken care can relate to what I say. Others just ignore or do not want to listen. I just wanted to record my experiences but necessarily not share it with anyone deliberately.

Hope a good read for all who read this and hope you can relate to!!

Best wishes It's TVR..

Dealing with 'N' in our lives

The 'N' in the title stands for "Negativity"..

Two great epics of Indian soil – Ramayana and Mahabharata are un-matchable in the way the stories are told and the life’s lessons are taught. While watching the Mahabharata recently on television during recent lock-down, one aspect that greatly struck me was about how even if you are good, obedient and following the dharma may not assure of living peacefully or allow you to live with grace.

In Mahabharata, the Pandavas are synonyms of dharma and grace. They themselves do not want to nor get into any trouble or want to trouble others. They will never harm anyone. But what happens to them throughout their life everyone who know the epic knows. They will go through lot of hardships just because their cousin is Duryodhana who is selfish, adamant, greedy. To satisfy his greed and adharma, which puts Pandavas’ lives in danger, they will face humiliation (especially in dice game) and have to face lot of hardships (during time spent in forests and in agnatvasa). What was their sin? What mistake they did? Nothing!!

Just because of Duryodhana’s greed and cunningness they had to suffer so much in their lives. Even after the Kurukshetra war I do not think they could have lived peacefully because they would have lost all their kids. What an immense pain they have to go through. Throughout life they suffer because of their inevitable acquaintances! ☹   

Sometimes even if you want to be peaceful, the people with whom you get associated with, people with whom you live, your neighbors, relatives or friends, you will end up in sorrow unnecessarily. So you being good or right many times do not matter in your own life.

Take the recent standoff of India with China. There is nothing our beloved country India has done for China. But China is trying to create tensions at LAC and across the borders. It is just not allowing to be India to be itself. Also, there is no need of special mention of Pakistan doing the same.

Whether we want or no, some events, people affect us very badly in a way which we do not want. There will be a lot of negative vibes they bring, from which you want to run away but you cannot because of the events or people being inevitable.

Recently I watched a Bollywood movie “Jab we met”. I have watched it many times earlier also. But this time when I saw, the female lead in the movie by name Geet will be so full of life, so much energy and enormous love towards life and she just wants to be happy. But the person she loved betrays her during the journey and refuses to marry her. This takes a toll on her and she loses all her energy and enthusiasm and starts living away from her very loving family too. There was absolutely no mistake of her!! She will just be herself. But how she loses interest in life, I just could not take it.

Similarly life is like you come across so many people, events which will change your personality for not so good and also you try to change yourself to pretend to be good. But earlier you were good! Which others misused.

Hence I would say many times in life things change for people in their course of life for no fault of theirs and they suffer and they turn against the tide or they become silent or try to ignore the circumstances or try to pretend which they are not. These they do not intend to, but happens.

As far as coming across such instances, I feel at-least we should not hurt or de-mean or look down someone intentionally. Because you should not become Duryodhana for someone, so that you hurt the Pandavas in others or affect someone who are like Geet or come upon someone who are like India who never invade other countries. Ofcourse one cannot avoid people with negative vibes because of nature of the relationship but at-least try to learn the negative vibes affecting you, still you cannot do anything but suffer. Sometimes it’s just our fate!!!

With Best wishes It's TVR..

My last professional working day.. atleast for now

It was Aug-2000, the penultimate year of our engineering. Many companies had come to our campus of our college Siddaganga Institute of Technology (SIT), starting from IBM, Wipro, Infosys and many more. But I could not get in any of those, from the beginning of the campus placements started. Then there came a company called Netkraft which was into networking domain. I got through after 3 weeks of campus placement started. I was delighted and on cloud nine.

Then was getting ready for final exams of my 8^th Sem in year Sept-2001. Then the 11^th-Sept attach happened on twin towers in US. Along with that all our job offers also went to tizzy.  Then after my professional degree only few went to their companies which had hired them in campus. But I did not. Our offers were withheld.

Then the frenzy search for the job started even though I had good score. I and my friend once I remember were wandering in MG road and many IT corridors giving our resumes. That much of job searching we had to do for around 8 months. Meanwhile we had prepared for GRE and I got 89percentile in that. I was ready to join for MTech in Surathkal. Then Honeywell came to our campus looking for 2001 passed out who are looking for job. I prepared extensively over that week. Then on a Saturday I gave interview. It was multiple rounds and I cleared finally and got offer at the end of the day around 7pm that day. Again delighted.

Then I and my father went to Bangalore the next Monday for joining. My dad had come with me on my first day. I was with full of energy and enthusiasm on my first today. Till today I remember sitting in the reception of Honeywell and waiting for HR to come and take me inside.

Then my professional journey started. Honeywell was a great company from the start. There was no looking back I worked through ~15 years in the company. Saw many ups and downs like many other professionals see. But when I quit Honeywell it was with very heavy heart. Then I joined company called Esterline, which was near to home ~8kms. Then I started there and completed ~ 3years here. Today I resigned here and is my last working day.

So many mixed emotions are running through my mind now. Have mixed feelings as before I started thinking of quitting, always I used to think why I started, how much struggle for starting this career. Then why did I decide to quit? May be various reasons – both professional and personal. But final I quit.

But when I look back there were many times throughout this time when intermittently I wanted to quit. But somehow I pushed through. When my husband went onsite for one year, when I had my first miscarriage, when my son was born, when I used to fall sick often and many more times. But again pushed through. Also sometimes I used to be super tired of office and home work without any support many times and used to feel exhausted in the mornings itself and rushing to office in the mornings.

But to come so far it would have been not possible if not because of my family and friends support.

1.       First and foremost my parents, who educated me and stood morally with me whenever needed or even whenever my son used to fall sick.

2.       My sister who is always with me morally whenever I used to call her. Before my marriage I used to stay at my uncle place at Rajajinagar(My mom’s brother).

3.       My aunty(My mom’s sister) used to cook for me in the morning. And both my uncle and my aunty had taken me personally to many interviews.

4.        My husband who did not force me to quit and come when he went onsite for long term and whenever I used to have long hours calls, he was managing at home. 

5.       Then my son, who since he was baby of 7 months he went to day care.

6.       And then my real friends who used to give me support many times at office whenever I used to feel down. Some of the strong friends I have made in my professional life, they are still in touch with me :)

But overall I feel I have fulfilled professional life. I am not sure whether this break is long one or a short one, or forever I want to make use of this to the fullest.

Once again a big  Thank you to all and above all the dear God!

   

With Best wishes It's TVR..

World and lives with an unseen enemy

Jan-2020:

Heard about a disease being spread from human-to-human by a virus called Coronavirus. Somewhere in Chinese town called Wuhan. End of the month, heard about the news of lockdown of the Chinese cities. Saw empty streets of Beijing in a website.

Feb-2020:

Flights to and from China cancelled. The Chinese goods were blocked at customs and some of our equipment to be shipped to office were blocked too. Many of us were laughing at the situation at that time. Thought about it as an outbreak which cannot reach us like Ebola/SARS.  The passengers arriving from China were screened. Heard ~3 cases of such affected people in Kerala.

Mar-2020:
First case of affected person was reported in somewhere Whitefield area in Bangalore, the city I lvie. Still it was far. Then the number of cases of affected persons being reported slowly started increasing linearly.

Then the scenario of it becoming an epidemic was evident. Human nature is to not to bother about or having empathy towards issue happening elsewhere, until the problem is at our doorstep. Now the panic started. WHO declares the spread of disease from Coronavirus as Pandemic, something which has affected multiple countries. Everyone is cautious of going out of home. Suspecting almost everyone we meet. Washing hands becomes obsession suddenly. Then the Government declares an imposition of lockdown to make Social distancing compulsory because of which people cannot venture out of their homes. A new world which the people have not seen or never experienced even from our parents’ time unfolds!!

All these happening and we are watching the world only through the windows of media from home. The world has come to halt. All this while especially the new generation(our generation) has only seen the world running at a mad pace. To conquer something which others have not conquered, to see something which others have not seen, to experiencing something which not many have experienced, to eat, travel, socialize, work, have fun, to acquire worldly materials, to feel superior and to reach places including Moon and Mars! To please whom, to satisfy whom or to achieve what we were running so madly?

 All this for what? – A big question when an unknown enemy invades the human race now which puts half of the humanity under lock down, the way we keep the animals in Zoos as if they are our possessions.

I used to hear about phrases like – ‘To save earth’. There is no such thing. It is only about saving us and Earth knows how to save itself. Earth will be there for another billions of years. It is we humans who were at the edge of perishing with our over-possessiveness towards nature and its elements as our own. The nature has put a pause on our activities now if not brake. Of course we will continue our activities even after this pandemic is gone as if nothing had happened.

But when in-pause it is time for our self-realization as individuals, family, society, the human race.

1.       We may not need the luxury we all will be looking for in worldly materials. Our ancestors had lived with minimal living and were happy. We are back to same situation now, happy or not?

2.       It is not the living which is costly but the lifestyle – are we all living healthy now with home cooking and with reduced costs?

3.       What matters the most is human relations. When we cannot talk to someone physically who are close to us. Some of the stories which moved in this time which I came across:

·       I see a mother giving birth to her baby, but was not able to see her baby because she tested positive. When the re-union happened after her recovery, it was an emotional one.

·       A son in Mumbai hears about his father’s loss in Kolkata, not able to reach seeks help. Then his friend helps and gets permissions from authorities to travel in his car. Mumbai to Kolkata – 2300kms. What an example of friendship and a kid’s love

·       A mother travels 1400 km in her tow-wheeler from Telangana to get her son back who is struck in Andhra Pradesh.

 Like these there were many situations reported, which actually rekindles our beliefs in human
relations which are fading away.

4.       The indomitable spirits of frontline workers – Doctors, nurses, paramedical staff, sanitation workers, media, Police, Shop keepers providing essentials, our house maids, essential Govt service providers, some of our leaders. Absolutely stunning, they know they are interacting with a highly contagious disease but still not stepping back.  These are our peace time, but crisis time soldiers/warriors of our nation or rather of humanity.

5.       A time in quarantine has helped many people spend quality time with their families which all these while were struggling to get the time required. With parents, brothers/sisters, spouses, children etc.

6.       Time to rekindle the sparks in us for our passions. Many are spending time on their favorite hobbies.

7.       It has helped the earth atmosphere to breathe more relaxed. The pollution levels have come down drastically, with people becoming healthier. There are newspaper reports of reduced heart-related and other ailments!

8.       With more animals capturing back their habitats. Like Dolphins coming back to shores in Venice because of non-existing pollution because of boats, turtles coming out in sea shores of Odisha, peackocks roaming around in streets of Mumbai, sea turtles hatching in Thailand etc.. :)

9.       There are people who are selflessly serving food to starving and providing shelter to the needy, how Govt has been providing the materials to the needy at its best. Rising to the occasion are many good Samaritans who are not under lockdown but serving poor in the streets and their areas. Hats off to them.

We all know many of the above have happened because of Coronovirus, 

1.       But the people who have suffered or survive know what they have gone through.

2.       The people who have lost their loved ones, how much pain they are enduring because of not of any of their faults :( . Around the globe more than 1.6 lakhs people have died at the time of writing this article.  

3.       Also there is an increase in domestic violence/ child abuse happening because of continuous locking of people inside their houses under abusive people :(, across the globe It is heartening to hear about it.

4.       The pain of migrant workers is awful. The pain of daily wage workers, homeless, auto drivers, taxi drivers, some of our house staff like cooks, maids, small shopkeepers etc.., who earn their living on a daily basis.

5.       The economic losses to Government, a possible entry to recession, job losses, farmers not able to sell their goods,  -- the impact may be huge.

How we wish all the positives would have happened not because of Coronavirus but because of changed human behavior over a period of time?

How we wish the lessons learnt should not be forgotten at-least in the coming few years?

How we wish the goodness shown continues forever so that world we live becomes a better place at-least for the next generation to come?

The world is small and our lives are much smaller, it is time for us to come out of our cocoon of ego and greatness and see small things in life, values human relations, appreciate and respect nature, love others also who are supposedly not ours,  stick to healthy eating and lifestyle, compassionate with one who do not have what we have as privileges, learn new things to satisfy our soul,  forgive who hurt us and forget bad memories, to live a fulfilled life :) !!!!!!!!!!!!

My lockdown time

The world is reeling under the impact of Novel Coronavirus and people are put under lock down to be at their homes to avoid socializing. I happen to move to my hometown just in time before the long time lock down was announced. It is so that both my in-laws and my parents stay in the same area. My husband could get to spend some time with his parents which I do not think usually men get to spend because of their continuous work commitments and family, unlike women when during their child birth they could have spend some time at their parents homes.

This time it was  a long time I could spend with my parents after a real long time. Apart from eating home made food without my efforts, I also happened to spend my time philosophically with my parents. Learning about their experiences in life, the insecurities they had faced, the struggles they had gone through, the joy they have seen, life in their parents time and the bond they had with their parents, the hobbies that interest them the most and the life fulfillment according to them.

It was kind of an eye opener for me, looking life from their perspective, their joys and sorrows and we connecting with them individually with each one of them, with ample amount time given to them. I felt this time was required so that they also feel satisfied by spending time with their kids who otherwise will always be running. Understood that it is kids’ prime time of their careers and their respective family lives, but also it is the parents’ sunset times, and cannot spend time with them. May be this lock down time came as an opportunity for those especially who are living in different cities than their parents, who cannot visit them often.

I felt happy and content of spending this time with them without any inhibitions (which by default will not be present with your parents), and spend quality time talking about life’s questions and answers, the self-realizations and spiritual realization. Given the time they have spent life, they will have more insight which we can definitely learn from them. Also being elderly, realizing their insecurities is very important, because sooner or later we also will one day get into such situation.

May be in every trouble there will be opportunity. And because of Coronavirus this is one opportunity I got the memories of which I will cherish in my life.

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Why there should not be a women’s day?

International women’s day is celebrated across world on 8^th of March every year. People send messages, governments have celebrations and awareness campaigns, corporate office greet women employees, families greet their women and much more.

At large any day is dedicated to either commemorate the significance of a person/event, to raise awareness, bring people together or to bring focus on a particular issue/disesase/happening.

Women’s day as such started 100+ years ago to raise awareness on issues such as gender inequality, gender biases, pay parity among two genders, women specific issues across the world. To name a few in India, starting from female foeticide, female infanticide, education dropouts, safe child birth issues, dowry, domestic violence, sexual abuse like rape, and sexual harassments and all such stuff. Many of these are still largely prevailing.

Also womens’ day is to celebrate the womanhood, motherhood, women’s achievments despite their biological and social inhibitions and all that.

I agree for the second part. But women’s day going forward at-least in my next generation of kids the first set of issues I wish disappear so that women’s day need not be marked to raise awareness on such issues. It is important to bring up our kids in a gender equal or a gender neutral society.

Many may argue this may be feminisim or all such terms, but in reality the issue mentioned exist in large and have to be addressed. As a society we have to work towards it and try to reach an ideal world, which I suppose may not happen suddenly but can happen over a period of time if collective efforts are put.

One day I wish I do not want to see a womens’ day!

Last note: This post is dedicated to all women who are submissive, whose silent sacrifices have kept their family smiling J

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Where does God live?

On this Sunday we had been to few temples along with my husband's family.

   In one of the temples they told that to get into inner area temple (Garbhagudi), one has to pay Rs.100/- per person. So my husband and I purchased 2 tickets for ourselves. For our son(who is 9 years old) we thought they will leave him inside as in many pilgrim places (Tirupathi, Dharamasthala etc), they do not even charge for kids and elderly. But when we got inside the temple and we wanted to get in, people in-charge in the temple stopped our son from entering. At that point of time we did not realize and we both got in. Our son was with in-laws at the back.
  After that when we came out, we see that our son was crying for not letting him inside. There was not many people in the temple too. Only my husband's family people were there in the big temple. Later we realized that how the temple people played for the sake of money. May be it is a policy, but it is a screwed up policy. It is not just about money. We could have easily given if they had asked that they charge for kids too. But in a hurry, it did not appear to us. But how easily people forget that kids are considered as Gods in our culture.

 Even though people fear to comment on temples and the rules there, here i am discussing openly that at such places even God will not reside where there is no compassion to humans and especially kids.  When i questioned in Tirupathi itself they leave kids, they told this is not Tirupathi. Is it the temple where Lord stays? I seriously doubt. I believe in that place, God would have run away from there. We were so roughly stopped at the door leaving our son behind, i can still recollect the scene there.

God resides at places where compassion, love, empathy, hospitality and care resides.  He lives in the hearts of people who have such values and ethics. Lord Krishna has clearly told in Bhagavadgita, even though you do not do any worship of me, if you do your Karma sincerely and compassionate with others, that is where I live.

Why humans create such big barriers around them and also try to create at temples like this. God himself does not have barriers. If I just remember Him, He will come in front of my eyes.

I agree rituals and worship are part of our system. But they should not be at the cost of someone's happiness, comfort or love. It should be done along with these qualities. Then the process has more meaning.

Even though i was brought up in an orthodox family, my parents never restricted me to think conservatively. They only asked me to think what is right and what is wrong. And follow what i think is right. In this way now i can think rationally and can clearly see what could have been done good for the sake of people visiting temple.

I only pray God for giving enlightenment to such people.


With Best wishes It's TVR..

Why is this negativity?

I see few people if not many people who just can’t bear anyone getting anything good or anything good happening to others. It is like I am the best, my family is the best, my group in my company is the best etc.  Rest all of the people in this world are either not good or they are not doing anything.

Finding negativity in others is very easy according to psychology. But finding something good and positive in others is very tough.

Some people exceed standards in finding negativity.

If somebody gets promoted, then it is because someone favored him/her. If someone get award, he/she is liked by his/her manager. If someone has boy, then having boys is not good. If someone has girl child, then having girls is not very good. If some country is good, then it has lot of other problems which are not seen. If someone is doing work, he/she is workoholic, if someone is promoted then he/she is not good, simply they got promoted by some luck. If someone complains then only that person/person from the group complaints. The list of complains goes on…. . As except them or the people associated with that them, rest all are either screwed up or not good.

Give me a break.

If they get the same things then it is because of their hard work, dedication, sincerity, patience and only they do work. Only positive things have brought them where they are now.

Why so much negativity? Why can’t people see good in others? Why keep on blaming people who are not associated with them? Why keep on branding a person or a set of people as bad? Why is this?

Why few people have such attitude? If people grow, one has to become more matured to appreciate others. That is what is growing up means. If we are getting aged, it means we have to learn to become mature and good and help/direct others to be on the same path or help others in their troubles.

Ok, even if someone is favored, lucky, fine. You also had been lucky in few things right? When good things happens to people, they do not ask God “why me”? Only when bad things happen they ask “why me”?

Please grow up. With such people, the world does not recognize them as great, but they brand them as negative people. This attitude is contagious. If we are with people with such negative thoughts, other people tend to become negative. It is better to avoid their thoughts getting into you. In Kannada there is a saying “ahankarakke udasinave maddu”. For such attitude, only negligence is best. If one takes such remarks seriously then one tend to get depressed or feel down.

Let’s get positive. There are so many good people around the world and one has to appreciate other’s efforts. It gives a good feeling for us too. To have a positive attitude towards life. J

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Gendering Kids

When I was carrying for second time after a long time since we go married (the first one was ectopic), I was always wondering which gender I ‘prefer’. Everyone will have preferences and being a girl and being a daughter I was wishing to have a girl child. Then someone told me one should not do that. It is always good to pray to God for a healthy child. Then I realized, how crucial and important it is to have a healthy child.

When I delivered my son, the doctors told that there is a small issue in his right foot. It was almost attached to his leg. I and my husband had a big loom on our faces on the day when my son was born which was the happiest day of our lives too. But what doctor told was it gets proper automatically and if not there are surgeries to make it proper. We were only praying God that his foot becomes normal and over a period of time with God’s grace, it became alright.

After some time he had severe head injury in his 11^th month. It was the most worrisome and traumatic moment in our lives because doctor had not given any hopes on his brain getting affected until the CT scan report came, That time too by God’s grace, everything became alright. It was a moment when we just wanted our son to be healthy.

When one says I want girl or boy, I would always think in my mind that let God bless them with a healthy child and let them come over such things.    Even small health issues in the new born will have greater impact on parents’ minds.

Now when I am with my son, my love for him is not greater or lesser than having a girl child. I do not look at him as my son first, I look at him as my kid blessed by God.

Of-course, once he becomes adult, he may be called as man. But I do not want to attach those man/woman attributes to him when he is such a small kid.  Definitely we should not attach such things when they are kids. I personally do not want to wish to do such things because I know it hurts their parents the most. Being a girl and daughter I never look down girls like the way others do. Same way I do not want my son to be looked down. I am his mother and I have got many such hurts and I have cried silently on such things.

Sometimes I get comments like sons will not be with us, sons will do this, sons will do that, like that. But people who are telling such things want me to go through such things I feel? They want me to suffer because I have a son and it’s a sin to have a son. I just let it go. I have come to a stage now where I do not care about such things. Whether it’s a boy or girl kid, I have to go through what is written in my forehead. Most people take atmost care of their kids irrespective of genders.

I only wish everyone to have a peaceful life with their kids because I know having kids is a blessing and I also pray for myself to have a peaceful and harmonious life with my kid.

 With best Wishes, it's TVR...

Human re(a)l(iz)ations

After a real long time I am re-starting my blog. After reading some of my posts in the blog I am amazed how I could disconnect from it for so long. It’s  a means of putting my thoughts and opinions. In a way it’s a let out and in other way it’s way of getting connected with people.

Recently (or always made to think) I have been thinking about human relations. A very complex aspect, I would say the most complex thing in the world. With every human being we come across we share a certain relationship. Even with a stranger there is a relationship. Do not we call by the name stranger? It’s a way of having that ‘strange’ relationship.

Letting our egos go is the only key and way to survive or enjoy any relation. This is not new and everyone would have experienced.

Most of the times the known relations of parents, spouse, children, siblings, in-laws, friends, neighbors, relatives and colleagues will be going on daily basis. But sometimes it gets to a point where one needs to put extra effort to get the relationship going.

Having issues/fights with spouse is very common. And if it gets out of control then one has to put positive efforts to make it work. I myself has gone through this phase and I am happy that the efforts we put that time is still lot of worth and we re-discovered ourselves as someone very much worth sharing our lives with. Once it is done, there will not be any looking back. Some will express that love they share and some will not bond. But still it is the relationship of life.

With parents, often few will have issues. But with this too, even with not putting any efforts, somehow that parental connection is awesome.  I have heard stories about my parents’ relation with their respective parents. What gaps they had and what they loved. I also have almost same share of experiences but I am very happy about my blessings.

With kids most of the times it’s unconditional love. It cannot be expressed in words. I would say the love we share with our kids is out of the world. Nothing can replace it. Whether it’s boy or girl, I think people should love their kids equally and among kids also there should not be any divide. My son is the biggest teacher in my life and taught me lot of patience. Kids are given by God just to enjoy their growing up years and experience their golden days of growing years. If we have expectations from them, it is like give and take, which I feel should not be done.  After my son is born I have always felt God has blessed me in every possible way He can because through him He has reached me physically.

With siblings, it’s common to have differences and fights. We also used to fight even when we were in colleges and my parents used to moderate. But still blood relation holds somewhere the thread. I consider my sister as my best friend with whom I can share anything and everything and she also does the same.  It is this untold factor that holds us very close.

With neighbors, colleagues and relatives, even though it is very informal, among them we hold good regards for few. It is good to keep looking everywhere to learn from everyone.  Apart from few, I have been happy to have good colleagues, neighbors and relatives with whom I have always enjoyed working, talking, enjoying respectively.

With in-laws too, definitely there will be issues because we will be from different backgrounds, still after sometime once we get to know them, we’ll get used to them and share a cordial relationship.

Last but not least, the friends. It is one such relation where one has to give up their egos and competition. Then only a friendship can survive. I have a friend who is in US, but never forgets to wish on my B’day, who keeps talking to me how much-ever busy she is and she still considers me as her best friend. I am the kind of a person who do not have many friends but very few, but stick to them forever . I have had many friends and best-friends too.  I also had a friend who is now settled in Australia who does not have time to send me msg even on whatapp (all know how easy it is over there). Some have gone in their paths forgetting friendship for no reason which even after unanimous efforts from my side have failed to come back. I get a feeling of getting dumped and pains a lot :(, I have to move on counting  on other friends.

Overall I have had good relations with almost whomever I have come across. I have had issues with almost everyone but still enjoy their company and want to get good out of everyone. In that way God makes me grow which is what is required for me to have a satisfying life.

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Not so proud Indian

 I am writing this post with a very heavy heart. I did not know that one day I have to write that I am not so proud as an Indian. I have been reading and hearing the news of Delhi gang rape case. These kinds of rapes are not new in India or in any other country. But the intensity and the frequency of such cruel acts are very high in this country.

In the Delhi gang rape case, the victim is tortured to the maximum extent so that her intestines have come out. This is very brutal way of torturing anyone. Even animals do not behave this way. Animals just attack for the sake of food. But such hooligans attack for their mean desires. Such people should be tortured the way they have tortured the girl and the torture should be made public so that others do not dare to do such acts again. I cannot believe they are born from a woman’s womb. Do such people have mothers at all? If the same treatment is given to their mothers and sisters then will they be able to digest it and live with it?

I am afraid that people tell that because of the kind of dresses worn by women will result in men getting provoked and leading to such situations. But are there no incidents when women are in a saree? I read about a news where a 2-year old girl is raped. Can she have any dress which is provocative?

What is most painful is the way government is reacting to the situation. I feel that there is no connectivity between the ruling and the ruled. All statements from politicos are politically motivated and calculated rather than rational. I get no hopes of improved security or concern for women. Women in this country are subjected to many tortures in their lives in a patriarchal and misogynist world like ours.  

In this country there is no equality for women. That’s why there is no progress and India can never become a developed nation mainly because of I’ll tell you because of women’s curses. Right from birth, why birth? Before birth itself they do not want daughters. I know a friend of mine veena (name changed) who tells that her father never wanted a girl. She is the fourth child in her family and her father wanted to get the gender test done for the embryo.  The result turned out to be that it’s a girl child.  Her mother was asked to eat pills so that the fetus dies. But somehow that did not work and my friend survived and she was born. She does not have any respect to her father because she knows about this incident.

It’s horrible the way women are treated in India during birth, teen-age, marriage, after marriage, after child birth. It’s women who run the show in every family and they should be respected. Men and women are equal in every family and this society. That should be realized. I do not have any respect for people who do not have any respect for women. Because they do not deserve it.

I definitely want to salute the protestors in the capital who have left all their personal work to come out in masses and fight for a cause. I can only pray that their concerns are addressed and stricter laws made to bring the culprits who torture women. I feel more such protests should happen with more frequency and intensity. Then only the government can realize people’s power and bent to take actions. Such days should come and I just hope they are nearer.

Last but not least my sincere prayer with the victim who is battling for life against odds for the mistake which she did not commit. My prayers with her family.

India will only shine when such innocents get justice at-least.

A proverb for today

Today i was discussing something with my friend about the word "adhama" which is a kannada word.

I rememebered this kannada proverb..

"adadeye maduvavanu roodhiyoluthamanu

adi maduvavanu madhyamanu

adiyoo maadadavanu adhamanu"

which means

the one doesn't tell about his/her work but does it is superior

the one who tells and does his/her work is an average

but the one who tells but still doesn't do it is stupid..

applies to all people at all places in all the contexts...isn't it?

Give it a thought!

 

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Rest In Peace - Savitha

Last week came to know about the death of Savitha in Ireland. Was shocked by the way she died. She was denied abortion even after her requesting multiple times. She died with a lot of pain.

Pregnancy and child-birth are like re-birth for a woman. And savitha did not come back from this phase.

But I wish her soul rest in peace and I pray and hope that no other woman goes through such pain, torture and die in any country in the name of religion or caste.

Let humanity win over all aspects of religion, caste, creed or country.

Theen filmen (Three movies)

In the last 1 month I watched three movies which I wanted to watch after hearing about the positive reviews on them – Barfi, English-Vinglish and Kahani.

Barfi is a very nice and feel-good movie I watched after a long time. It has a very powerful message on un-conditional love and affection. Hats off to the cinematography, lyrics, music and last but not least the performances by Ranbir Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra. Both Ranbir and Priyanka have given flawless performances and no doubt they are among the best actors in bollywood today.

English-Vinglish again is a very simple story told in a very simple way too. It also has a message which no one can ignore. The contribution of ladies in the house, how it is taken for granted and not-recognized. Again very good performance by Sridevi.

Kahani of-course does not have any message. It’s a suspense movie which keeps one captivated and suspecting what may happen next. A great performance by Vidya Balan.

These movies were not only entertaining but had a theme and message in them. Also they are not very high budget movies made. But still had a very good story line and acting which one get to see rarely in these days of commercialization in cinema.

Watched jab tak hai jaan purely because I am SRK fan. The movie did not have any message to be conveyed but it did not disappoint me and yes SRK too. I watched him on big-screen after a very long time and I was happy to see him in his original form of acting after a series of not-so-good movies of him (MNK, KANK, Ra.One – I have not watched these movies).

Last word: I am continuing my morning walks. I am surprised by my own determination to keep this habit going for nearly 1.5 months. Today morning listed to song “do dil aise milenge” from Jab we met. An evergreen movie with evergreen songs.

Bye for now,

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Thoughts in a morning walk

Since past one week I have started going for a morning walk for ½-1 hour daily. My doctor advised me to do little exercise to reduce my weight very seriously. SO I also took his advice very seriously and started this morning sessions of walk.

Really more than exercise or reducing weight or whatever health aspect I feel it’s the time I am getting for myself, for my own thoughts, for listening to music (usually devotional) on radio, for enjoying those songs and enjoying the sweat. I am feeling great and I can imagine how people feel who do exercise regularly.

It seems exercise increases the release of positive hormones in our body which reduce stress levels.  I do not want to put a big writing on benefits of exercising. I am not even sure that when I’ll lose focus and become lazy (which I do not want to). But people who have made it a habit are getting very good results out of it.

One of these days I was listening to song from the movie ‘The Dirty Picture’. The song is ‘Ishq sufiyana..’. What a great song! Good music and great lyrics. It goes something like .. ‘love is morning red, love is blossoming flower, love is divine blessing ..’ and so on. And the hero says I dedicate my love to you my love! It’s so nice to hear such things. It is tough to find such pure love in this world but actually true love is definitely all these as penned in the song.

I also remember watching this movie. Very good acting by actress Vidya Balan. She has carried the character so well on her shoulders.

I hear vachanas and bhajans sung by some famous Kannada singers. The vachanas are full on true and practical living in this world. Do’s and don’ts which if we follow, our lives become much easier and more meaningful.

Many such soothing songs come in the morning time and it’s pleasure for me to hear as I hardly get time to listen to songs in-between my son’s ’chota bheem’ watching.

I also see sun rise and experience light morning winds. I feel I am blessed by God in many ways at the end of the day after this exercise because it fills me with lot of energy and less negativity.

I hope to continue doing this for quite a long time at-least to enjoy the songs peacefully.

Bye, till I write next time I wish you all good health.

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Coming back..

Coming back..

I am coming back after a long time on my blog. Last year around same time I started writing this blog.  I got inspired by seeing my friends write in their blogs and I also started to write. I never thought that I would come this long in my writing that too in English.  But since June this year I did not write in my blog for various reasons. May be I did not get inspired enough to write on a topic.

Ever since I started this blog I wanted to make it a fun point where people enjoy reading it. But sometimes to be honest I have left out my frustrations also here which may not be correct. But for a writer, even the frustrations have to reflect in their writings.

Mostly my blogs are very much women centric and has kind of feminism in it which I definitely encourage because I believe very much equality for women as men. It’s neither freedom to ask for nor it is anything which anyone can grant. It is the birth right of every individual especially women who have been at the receiving end of some senseless society rules. Sometimes when it comes to women people tend to talk loose and see them down which is not correct. Hope my blog brings in some awareness about it.

I have written about my childhood many times and my likes and dislikes. Its good to get indulged in some of our past because it gives immense happiness.  The recollection about the movies which I enjoyed was the one which I enjoyed very much because I actually went through the movie watching joy when I was typing it.

Many things I wanted to write meanwhile. About my trip to Kukke, visit to Cubbon park, a peaceful stay at my native and also about my son’s pranks. But for various reasons I could not put them in words for a while.

Day before yesterday was Ganesh Chaturthi.  A  festival of lord Ganesha which I have enjoyed since my childhood days. I saw that my son was also enjoying this year. I was very happy to see him doing poojas innocently. I recalled how I used to go to many houses to see Ganeshas. One year I think we almost saw 80 Ganeshas which I and my friends used to have a count.  I and my father used to play with a tool called petlu.  I used to cry when we were leaving Ganesha in water. This year also the festival was fun. I prayed to lord Ganesha to give peace and content more than anything.

I wish lord Ganesha bless you all to fulfill your desires. And I also wish I continue to blog more to keep it alive to express my opinions, facts, pleasure and may be sometimes frustrations too.

Hope you all enjoy reading.

With Best wishes It's TVR..

Positive, Compartive , Superlative

Hi All,

 Do you remember these English grammar terms which are the levels of degree for comparisons. For eg: good, better, best (positive, comparative, superlative degrees). I was thinking about how the comparisons among human beings work.

People appreciate others for their good deeds, good personality and good mannerisms. That’s why it is called Positive may be. And you want to do/practice some others have done/have been practicing. It definitely gives a positive feeling in us.

Sometimes we compare with others and think that they are doing good financially/professionally. We want ourselves or our spouses to grow like them. Ok, there is nothing wrong in comparing ourselves with people who have achieved a greater (comparative) heights. I do not see anyting wrong in trying to achieve what they have achieved. But it should not become obsession.  Such kind of comparisons may put us to go through some stress but there is nothing much or hardships required to achieve the targets, there is nothing wrong in going through it for the sake of our own good.

There are a set of people who always thing they are the best in every sense! (on what basis I do not know!)(Superlative right?;) ) Being best is like you have achieved some perfection or saturation and you cannot grow beyond that. Of course everyone wants to be best but I do not think that anyone on this Earth who is best or perfect. But boasting off about their qualities/families/achievements like they are the best are some things which others cannot hear, bear and and i bet it will not be true. Just to put down others some people do it. You feel like getting a break from them. If someone is doing this then they should reduce their degree of boasting, this also requires a work out.

Just give a thought on this. Which one to practice in our lives, and on which one we have to put stress to improve which can improve the quality of our lives without hurting others.

With Best wishes It's TVR..

lovable thoughts

These are the thoughts on love from one of the blogs I follow, a blog of Preeti Shenoy. While agree most of the thoughts on love what she has listed. Sometimes it is required to look back and also interrogate ourselves what is the love we have in our lives?!

Love is when you have that goofy look in your eyes and your smile stretches across your whole face.

Love is when you still do crazy things like calling each other thrice a day even though you're in the same town.

Love is still waiting to see each other at the end of the day.

Love is him telling all his friends about me, proudly.
 
Love is fighting like crazy but still hugging each other at the end of the day, because you can't sleep otherwise.

Love is doing something you hate, just because the other person loves it.

Love is each one thinking that they are lucky to have got the other person.

Love is something that casts a warm glow in your heart.

Love is still feeling a bit (a teeny weeny bit) jealous when I say that some guy looks handsome.

Love is saying cheeky things because you know you can get away with it :)

Love is what has stood the test of time.

My own thoughts on love:

Love is going through the same pain when the other one is going through a pain.

Love is having concerns of the other person as yours.

Love is respecting each other and their backgrounds.

Love is being there for the other person when he/she needs the most.

With Best wishes It's TVR..