Recollecting the childhood

One of the bloggers whose blogs I regularly follow had written about her childhood which made me recollect my childhood memories. Sometimes when heart is filled with frustrations in the morning itself because of so many thoughts and actions of others such memories bring back the smile on my face.

Yes we had such a good time in our childhood.  I and my friends in the street would play on the streets in the evenings after our schools. We used to come back, pray to God and then study (though reluctantly), or rather do homework for the day.

Sundays (there was no concept of weekends that time) also filled with complete outdoor games near the temple. During night with indoor games (some of which are becoming extinct now).

Go to grandma’s place in summer holidays and enjoy all the privileges and also a whole lot of affection from grandparents.

Do not bother about exams/tests until they are near.

Have fun with cousins in family functions.

All these and at the same time having known the value of all the materialistic things we had. We used to get new clothes only for festivals.  So used to enjoy festivals with ‘new’ clothes and special food. Never used to have even Rs.5 in our pockets until we were in our graduation. There was no need of it either.

To get a bicycle in my high school day was a very big thing for me. I roamed around in my town streets with my new bicycle for the whole day. I still remember that day because I had got it after I was demanding it for rather 2 yrs.

Those were the days of fun also filled with learning’s of life. But we were contended with whatever we had in our small world.

We struggled so hard to get the things we have now. But are we really happy at the end of the day? There is always more for everything. There is no end to the needs.

So better to recollect childhood and be happy with the memories of it alone at-least for a day.

Female factor

Today morning while having breakfast I happen to read a news in newspaper which made me feel down for the day. Some people in northern states of India kill girl babies as soon as they are born by suffocating them by pillows or by putting jiggery balls in the mouth of the girl babies so that they choke and they die. It was heartening to come to know about such news in the morning and I was heavy hearted when I was walking to my office. My heart really poured for those kids, what was wrong with those new babies for not to live a life in this world.

Wikipedia lists a recent report by the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) up to 50 million girls and women are missing in India's population as a result of systematic sex discrimination. The issue of female infanticide is  a big problem in India than in any other country. In rest of the world, sex of the child is disclosed before the delivery itself. In India I wonder that kind of culture can come into place in the near future given the obsession the society has for baby boys. Not only men, but even women (both educated and illiterate) in India want to have baby boys.  The worst situation is when these abortions are carried out well beyond the safe period of 12 weeks endangering the women’s life.

I saw some reports on this problem in the internet and one such analysis can be found at : http://www.sascv.org/ijcjs/snehlata.pdf

In rural India the female infanticide is very high and I would completely blame the society for this social problem. The system in the society is so tightly coupled for rules for women, some people cannot afford to lead a life in such a system and they take such extreme steps.

Few points I have listed which are the fueling factors as per my understanding starting from 1 to  5 with 1 being the highest.

1.      Girls have to go to someone else’s house after bringing them up, educating them and loving them and carry their names. J

2.      Girls cannot take care of their parents in their old age and perform rituals of after death.

3.      The expenses of marriage is high and in many states and castes the problem of dowry is well prevailing and the cost of dowry will be usually the complete earnings of life of her parents (Sometimes even selling off their properties).

4.      Girls do not carry forward the legacy of their families and the family names.

5.      Girls are having problems driven by nature for the cause of reproduction which they have to go through throughout their lives and bear the pains of labors.

There could be many other valid and serious reasons still. But what I could derive from the news and the way the system in society works.

I do not want to debate much on the issues of family names, legacy, taking care of parents and all that. Nobody remembers my name after my 2^nd generation. At most my grandchildren may remember my name because I do not remember my great grand parents’ names!. Finally what is in a name? And why one has to change their birth names and why cannot men also change when society asks women to change their names? It’s out of love and affection you want your spouse’s name with yours and not by force.

Taking care of parents should be left to girls/boys conscience. It’s their duty and love which should drive them to do that. No excuses based on gender.
Everyone knows that dowry system is also a big social issue and no rational thinking person agrees with such a system.

When a man wants a woman for giving birth to him and a girl to get married, at-least two women are needed there itself. But if he does not want a daughter then he is denying two people in another man’s life. A woman is needed as mother and wife, why not as a daughter?  Statistics show that there are 914 women for every 1000 men in India. A big gap in the gender count.

I am not a revolutionist to bring a change in society or an influential person to change the system. But I definitely want some of my blog readers to give thoughts on this issue and spread awareness.

Signing off for now,

Ranjani

Relational thinking

It has been a while since I blogged. Many thoughts crossed my mind which could have been blogged
but could not put the feeling/thoughts in words. Today my mind is running too much about relationships and peoples’ thoughts.

People are bonded in this world because of relationships with their loving ones and for some obvious reasons with not so loving ones.  Loving ones by nature are parents, spouse, kids, siblings or sometimes some friends too. The human relationships are complex to understand as the time passes by in one’s life. The equations with ones’ loved ones keep changing with respect to situation/emotional bonding/geographical placements/connectivity etc..
By birth we will be in love with our parents and as we grow up we choose to love a person and marry or rather live-with that person. After kids, they mean the world to us. Siblings will part ways at some point in the middle once they choose their path of life of their own and on their own. But as we grow mature (I do not say as we grow old because by growing old alone we may not be mature enough) our view towards life and towards the relationships vary and may become broadened and we start accepting all kinds of people with different kinds of nature.

People irritate us or hurt us at home, at office, at public places etc. by their words or actions. Initial days we will be cribbing about everything but as we grow day by day we start accepting people and situations as they are. Instead of reacting we start acting. (I do not say all will do that). One must make sincere attempts to do that. Because we cannot change the system or people around us. We can only try to make a change to ourselves to handle situations or people.  It’s not so easy as said or written. Our in-built and by –birth qualities are so much embedded to accept or react to people who are very much different from us. In-fact our own parents will be very much different from us.  We just think we are perfect in every sense but that may not be true for all others out there in the world like how we feel about others.

One fact is definitely true and that is everyone will hurt us some or the other way. We have to first love ourselves as we are and not do de-motivate ourselves as a bad person based on some triggered situations in our lives.  This is the way we are and people may or may not accept us for the kind of persons we are.  For people who love you, we need not convince that what kind of person we are because they already love you and believe you. For people who do not love/like us, for them also we need not convince about us because anyway they will not love us or believe us.

So love yourselves and be happy. It’s your soul which comes along with you forever even in life and after life. Leave rest of the things to God. He will take care of everything.

So no need of worrying about relations problems when one is with himself/herself completely.

To be in solitude for sometime,

Ranjani for myself J

Being Rich

Rich in this world always means wealthy by money. Being rich is something which rich people are too much proud about and want to show off their clothes, jewellery etc.  Since childhood our concept of rich has always been people who have assistants at home and who dress up with hi-fi clothes and who do lot of makeup. Some people are rich by birth, by inheritance or by luck. But there are some people whom people call rich just because they have few amount hard earned by them. In India nowadays even if people are having little hard earned money also, its looked like sin. Why is it so? All these software engineers who are called rich, are they really rich? They lack time for family, for their entertainment, vacations or they  even lack time for sleep. Why do not people look at their day-to-day struggling aspects rather than simply looking at the money they have earned?

Some people will be rich, but people cannot make out that they are rich. They all will have money hidden in their bank accounts and no one will be aware of it. Because they do not disclose that to anyone even to their own kids or siblings fearing that they would snatch it away. For some people how much ever money they have, it will not at all be sufficient for them to tell others or feel themselves that they have enough money to be called as rich. Its their fate of life and no one can help them.

As per me being rich means rich in knowledge, wisdom, grace, love, care, empathy and service. It’s not only the wealth of money that people have should be looked upon or commented by others. The richness of human qualities should be adored and respected which increases their respect as well as recognizing person’s image.

What is the use of money and being rich from it when someone is dying in the hospital with pain and you do not spend on them?

What is the use of money and being rich from it when someone is suffering from hunger and you do not feed them?

What is the use of money and being rich from it when someone has become bankrupt for some good reason and is dying with debts and you do not help them?

What is the use of money and being rich from it when kids want to study and you do not provide any books to them?

What is the use of money and being rich from it when you do not provide clothes to a person suffering from cold?

Ultimately, without money one cannot buy anything. At the same time with money, everything cannot be bought.

Movie craze

Movies are one of the greatest entertainment means of mankind. Undoubtedly, movies give full-fledged entertainment for the masses and sometimes classes. I used to watch many movies when I was in school and colleges. Many times late night movies, the award winning movies on Sundays on TV. They all used to give a lot of happiness and refreshment. I used to enjoy both commercial and off-beat cinemas equally. When you want to know the reality, one must watch off-beat cinemas. If one needs only wholesome entertainment, then the commercial movies had to be watched. In Kannada I was always up-to-date with the movie information. Have watched starting from black and white movies to the recent movies in theatres. The craze for Kannada movies is in my birth I guess! In Hindi I used to watch whichever popular movies (Even very old ones) because of the craze for Hindi movies my parents had. I hardly used to watch English movies. But after marrying Sunil, the window for Hollywood movies opened for me and I find that world too is equally amusing. Today I watch all kinds of movies (Except fiction which I always disliked). I can connect to all movie goers, the maximum likeminded population in the world.

Watching movies in theatres is always pleasurable. Watching on TV definitely does not give the same kind of entertainment or pleasure. Watching some of the movies with masses gives wholesome entertainment when people start whistling once the popular actor/actress comes on screen. It seems when I was in theatre I used to be dancing on my seat when Rajkumar used to come on screen. I had always been a great fan of him. I myself cannot count the times I have watched some of his popular movies. One such movie is ‘Hosabelaku’. A simple love story and also told in a very simple way. All the songs, scenes are very much memorable for me. I feel such kind of movies which are simple yet appealing without any vulgarity are not at all coming these days to go and watch.

When people tell about other actors in other languages I used to wonder are they as good as Rajkumar, Anantnag or someone in Kannada. Because we’ll be so much used to them watching them since our childhood. But when I watched accidentally some movies in other languages in which other popular actors are acted, I got equal respect for them. Among them to name a few, I happened to watch a Malayalam movie in which Mohan Lal had acted. His acting was truly touching. Once I and my husband were watching old black and white Hindi movie – ‘Devdas’, in which Dilip Kumar had acted. I was totally impressed by his acting skills and the grace with which he carried the character.

Talent cannot be hidden and those who have become popular are all gifted with such talents. There may be exceptional cases, but most of them would have been gifted with acting skills or even dancing skills these days.

One very good aspect of movies is that it reaches many people, even illiterate people and all ages of people. The message for the society can reach easily through movies. Hence the movie makers should use discretion so that they can be wholesome family movies because kids can also understand the movie media very easily.

These days after work and family, it has become very tough to find time for movies even on TV. But I always miss watching movies which I am planning to restart once again. Once my son starts growing, I look forward to watch movies with him and share the fun (of course should be ready to face his crazy questions obvious to his age)J.

First day at school!

Today during lunch time one of my friends was explaining about leaving her daughter to school for the first time. She sounded little interesting and I listened with excitement thinking about my son’s schooling. It seems the parents of the school kids who joined school for first time had an orientation program. Even though my friend did not elaborate on that, I was wondering what that could be.  Many unknowns about how to do parenting when kids start going to school.

It seems when my friend went to leave her daughter in school, her daughter was crying seeing many new faces and also a new place. It seems the kids were crying and wanting to come out of the room by pushing the doors. I was imagining how the feeling of the viewer will be!  Must be filled with excitement and doubts about how to handle it. It’s really exciting about leaving your kid in school for first time wishing them all the success in their academics. We were discussing that until that point of time kids will be only enjoying being at home and by playing. Now they also have to study, face exams etc… My friend was showing her daughter photo wearing her uniform. The kid was excited about wearing a uniform like how other kids are wearing same kind of dress.  We were discussing how much additional work it will add to parents in these days. If they are given homework then it’s like doing our extra home work.

I and my friend were enquiring her about the quality of the school and how far it is from here. Nowadays people have to start applying for school admissions at-least 1 year prior to schooling?! It’s no longer a walk-in easily like how we used to do in our school days.

I remember my mother used to tell like how she was feeling bad when she left me first day at school because I used to be with her always till that time and she was feeling bad that she had to be away from me.
If not first day at school, I definitely have the memories of last days (of the year) in school. The last day when the last exam got over for that year, that day we just used to run back to our homes with so much joy.  Because we could enjoy our summer/dussera holidays at our homes or in our grandma’s place. And finally the social day when we said goodbye to school. I still remember those days. Also we were too young to remember the first day of our school. But our parents remember it and they will recall just like how my friend explained her experience of her daughter’s first day at school.

Many of our friends’ kids will be joining their schools soon or they would have joined. Along with my son I wish all of them bright academics, enjoyable with memorable days (which anyways they will have) and a great future!

Super Wo(man)

Super man is a fiction character who can do many extraordinary things with ease and help people. He can do many tasks at once. Holding a girl in one hand and fighting an evil character in another one while he is flying!!
I was thinking the urban ladies are doing the same thing. Performing many tasks at once within a span of only 24 hours  - Cooking, baby care, husband care, home work(if maid absent), having a career, facing the competition and then facing the world at home and at office. All this the educationally empowered (I am specific about education only) women are doing.
But at the end of the day, the super woman may not feel like a superman that is without any hurts, body pain, neck pain, depression!  Falling on the bed is one most liked task apart from baby care in the day to day timetable. Because while sleeping she doesn’t have to do any task. That is the only relief.

    But by doing all this is she gaining compared to women of her yesteryear generation. Many of her previous generation women used to be at home.  After sending spouse to work and kids to school/college, they used to take rest, gossip, go to temple, or indulge in whatever hobbies they prefer.
They could enjoy their life to full extent. Only aspect that will be lacking in them may be financial freedom. That too used to be dependent on her spouse, if he were liberal and caring, and then even that could not have been a problem.
By saying this I do not want to say that all such women used to enjoy. But most of them used lead a comfortable life.

The urban educated, career ladies seem like empowered, but are they actually empowered? If they are going to work, many times have to face words like it’s to build their career, financial freedom or it’s just that they prefer to go to office than sit at home. But why do not people differentiate between such women who actually think like that and women who actually doing a super woman job for the sake of their family. They are always treated as people riding on two horses – home and office but not able to do justice at both the places (even though they are doing).
At office too, how many women can be seen at top positions as managers, leads or specialists. Hardly few. It’s because sometimes career would have been compromised for family commitments.

So at both the places it’s not win-win situation. I would call it lose-lose situation.

It’s now time that society recognize efforts of such women and appreciate the work they are doing and value their time and personality rather than imposing legacy values of women on them to be a ‘pativrata’? These women may not be doing things in a legacy way, but they are doing things differently for the sake of family, kids, husband, their family and finally for a better society. Given an opportunity they would have loved to spend their time with their loving kids who are so divine and amusing for them. But will that kind of opportunity ever come for them in this high-cost living society? Many are waiting with their dry eyes open for that!!!