Tuesday, 29 November 2011

For Women

Today while having lunch an interesting topic came up while discussing some marriage related/girl child related expenses.
All in our lunch group are women. So most of the times our views match. But I would rather say that most of the women except some women (who do not know the value of womanhood or women’s values),  agree with our views whatever we discussed today.
Everyone was wondering why women’s side should bear the majority of the marriage expenses? Its not just that the society demands from the people who have money. It’s also from the people who are not doing so good financially. No exemption or support the society gives them too.
I am not finding any good reason why a girl’s father should spend money on the marriage so heavily or even pay dowry just because they have given birth to a girl child. This means that having a girl child is a big sin and one has to pay for that. The process is deep-rooted in our system  since ages.

A big rationale is that in earlier days women were married off in their early ages and the guys side have to take the complete responsibility of ‘looking after’ the girl throughout her life. But was she not supposed to do house hold work, bear children, bring them up which is equally challenging like men working outside? Anyway a couple in a marriage are like two wheels of a chariot. If it has to run then both have to work. Then where does the matter of ‘looking after’ the girl comes up? Then why a girl’s father had to pay the expenses or dowry that time too? It’s just to put down women – some irrational rules made by only men who lack wisdom.
The same legacy is carried over even in today’s society. Even though the girl earns in lakhs, her father has to bear the expenses, post-marriage the girl’s father will not get a penny of her earnings even-though he had equally educated her like how his son-in-law is educated bearing the same or sometimes more expenses.
Why this kind of  a mindless system exists, I really do not know. These days it has still increased instead of decreasing, The girls side have to take care of first baby’s expenses?! – hospital, first five months, then naming ceremony expenses etc,. Idealogically why they have have to bear someone’s else child’s expenses. They say a girl belongs to boy’s family once married. They want to get their names changed, their kids names as per their family names. But they are not ready to spend even a penny for that. What a great system!
Earlier days if anyone has boys then the boys at-least used to get financial assistance to make his property. That at-least would have compensated whatever girls have spent. But now how many are willing to get their kids settled like that?
To change such a deep-rooted system is not going to happen in just one or two generations. Generations of men, yes I mean MEN have to be taught explicity to not go for such things in their education. It’s the women in every house who should take such initiatives. Because often it’s the women who cultivate such secondary status of women in their kids. Both girls or boys have to be taught to be treated and treat girls respectively.
Women also have that state of mind inculcated in their minds since childhood that she has to adjust to husband by listening to him and all such. Agreed, in case-of marriage adjustments is the key thing. But it should not be like you always have a secondary status.
If all these are discussed or raised by a woman I know she will be tagged as non-adjusting or arrogant or not brought up properly or revolutionary kind. But I feel most of the women feel the same and many may not express or they do not have the forum to express such things.  Girls get frustrated and nag their men because of this, what else can they do?
Not just women, even many men feel the same but they are also helpless in a system like this. They cannot talk against family or society. But at-least some men have such changing thoughts which I really appreciate.
 Yes these are revolutionary thoughts because its about talking against the current system or trying to think of some change in the systems. Some revolutions has to happen definitely which will curb female infanticides/foeticides. Because these are the keys factors related to expenses which is driving such extreme measures towards new-born girl-children.
I would only call upon the next-Gen people to take up such aspects seriously so that generations will become good and get benefited.

With Best wishes It's TVR..


  1. Hi Ranju,

    I was thinking you would definitely write about this topic, as I could clearly sense the frenzy you had towards this topic, while you were speaking about it. A very thought provoking write up. Very well said, it is in next-gen's hands and we will make sure we inculcate some things in the next - gen kids.

  2. its really a thought provoking and realistic topic ,,